This week I witnessed two people I adored go through heartbreak.
The loss of a loved one, and the loss of a deep desire.
At first I just wanted to say so many things to alleviate their pain, but I knew nothing I would say in the moment would dramatically change that.
Because this is what I know….
There’s more healing in silence than noise.
There’s more power in subtracting than adding.
There’s more console in depth than details.
There’s more truth in simplicity than cliches.
There’s more understanding in listening than speaking.
There’s more selflessness in comfort than comparison.
When someone you love is suffering, don’t overthink what you should do to make it better.
You can’t make it go away. You can’t re-write their story. You can’t make them forget.
There are people who truly know their pain and can help them, so by all means gently place your hand and guide them in that direction.
But know this,
Healing is not linear, nor are the ways to alleviate people’s suffering.
I too was once there, and now I’m here. On the other side. Still enduring it. But getting better.
And not one person along the way had the right answer for me.
But one thing they did right, was they made their presence my miracle.
As much as it aches us to see the people we love suffering, and no matter how much help they get, it is genuinely up to them to trudge through the thick mud and survive it. It is not solely your love that will get them through, but their self-love.
They will need to sob in their pillow. The pain of their memories will leave them gasping for air. They will breakdown at the most unexpected of times. They will struggle to roll out of bed. There will be triggers months after the devastation has passed and pain will rear its ugly head again.
But they will survive it. They will find a reason to keep going. They will allow it to teach them something. And they will become better for it.