My Pa, who has lived a linear life of success said to me yesterday,
‘You’re just like your Grandma, you definitely didn’t get it from me’.
He was referring to my hippie creative writing life that currently lacks a ‘success’ outcome right now.
I’m the girl who went and got a degree but hasn’t even used it.
I’m the girl who still works in a coffee shop.
I’m the girl who then writes in all the spaces between because it fills up her entire body with the innermost peace.
I’m the girl who buys too many books and has plenty of time to read them.
I’m the girl who writes down every idea before it can fly away.
And sometimes, living this kind of life can be damn scary.
But I’m also the girl who has the courage to undergo this personal experiment instead of finding something concrete. Something stable. Something that has a recognisable standard of 'success'.
I’ve decided to play the game.
To dabble and flirt.
To see where it goes and take it day by day.
Because right now, the idea of measuring my success against something external like money, security or status isn’t working for me right now.
It’s running me into the ground, filling my lungs up with anxiety and suffocating me.
So I’ve decided to switch things up.
For the rest of the year, my metric for success isn’t going to be ‘a paid writer’ or ‘famous writer’ or 'find another career that will give me security.'
It’s going to be growth, learning, discovery, enlightenment.
My life is going to be enriched by what I learn each day when I put pen to paper.
If it gets published that's great, If it doesn't that's okay too.
The words will still show up
Through every hope,
Through every doubt,
Through every storm,
Through every sunrise.
Maybe there will be no outcome.
But it will never be time wasted.
Because writing makes me a better person. It brings me inner peace. It delivers true wisdom to my soul.
So until my heart navigates in a different direction,
I’m going to keep going.
If you're feeling this, I suggest you do the same.